Sugar Booger

Lolz to that moment when the new person in your life greets you ever so sweetly, “Hi cutie pie!” And you, imagining yourself a rebel in the field of love, text back, “Well hi, sugar booger!”

And they, ever so unamusedly, do not write back for an hour and a half.

Epiphany! You realize they may not indeed be up to speed on Swoosie Kurtz’s star-making turn as Winona Ryder’s obnoxiously clueless Texan mother in the 90s classic Reality Bites (which the above is quoted from). So you desperately try to help them (and yourself) by coaching, “Name the movie, name the movie!”

And they, without skipping a beat, write back to say, “Well it’s pretty gross, so maybe Drop Dead Fred?”

Then they proceed to kindly tell you that “sugar booger” is not their first choice of a nickname, just FYI.

You can’t imagine why, but still, you eat a little crow and think, Well clearly I’m not as hilarious as I thought.. Maybe I’m just gross! But at the same time, you can’t help thinking: #troydyerwouldalaughed