Trusting in Divine Timing

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If I trust divine timing, things get clear, quickly. I am trusting in divine timing. I am trusting in divine timing. Over and over, I need to remind myself of this. I want to rush things along and make the Universe do my bidding. I want the Universe to get in order, in line with my ideas of it.

“Cancel/Clear,” my friend Susana told us at the New Moon ceremony last night. Cancel/clear the moment that you catch a negative thought.

Trust in diving timing. Even when it doesn’t make linear sense. The Universe operates in spirals, after all.

 

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Both are natural, both are ok

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Two years into the rollicking ride that has been California, I have never been so aware of both my personal trouble-spots and also the power and response-ability I hold to change the parts of my story I no longer jive with. It’s empowering, to expand the limits and rewrite the characters, namely myself. I’ve been feeling like these last few months have been a sort of spiritual puberty. I’ve been going squeaky-voiced into some fairly overwhelming territories and discovering that despite what various anxieties whisper in my ear, I’m not gonna die from facing the unknown. And there is a lot unknown right now– in terms of my next livelihood, relationships, creative projects.

But as I’m sitting here at a Berkeley cafe on a cloudy Sunday, I’m feeling grateful for all the shifts and for this moment of peace in the midst of my own resistance to changing. Last night, I felt it– the unknown as thrilling instead of purely terrifying, as more inviting than distancing. I felt great appreciation for the many beautiful comrades I walk with, the magick-makers, bright minds, and clear hearts, also finding their way. We’ve got each other, and what a beautiful thing that is. This new world, as Arundhati Roy has said, “it is not only possible..On a quiet day, I can feel her breathing.” I can feel that new world too, springing up in our ever- evolving hearts, that hold more than ever these days, breaking and mending themselves and transforming daily.

I’ve been tuning into my heart this week and feeling the source strength I’ve sought so ceaselessly throughout my life. For too long, I’ve been driven by a need for outside validation. I thought that once I got that next A, once I got into Harvard, once I finished my book, once I studied Cranio, once I got the perfect job, once I had the perfect partnership, once I moved to California– then, finally, finally, I would feel “ready.” To do what, I’m not sure exactly, but it felt so tangible– that sense of OK-ness that was always a little bit out of my reach. Well, out of this time of unknown, I’ve been gaining a new appreciation for the fact that my life has not followed a linear path. It’s zigged and zagged and spiraled and at 34, I’m not quite where I thought I’d be. The truth is that I may never feel completely at peace with myself. I may never feel completely ready to rock whatever next phase I’m entering.

The only thing that is clear right now is that even with the uncertainty, loving action is what’s needed. As Doris Lessing has said, “Whatever you’re meant to do, do it now. The conditions will always be impossible.” This time is teaching me that, despite perfectionistic tendencies, it’s actually fine not to be completely ready. Sitting in the many chambered heart are these coexisting truths: we know a lot, more than we think we do, and also, we have a lot to learn. Both are natural, both are ok. #breakdownintobreakthrough #zigzagpath #healingfromperfectionism

 

Sugar Booger

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Lolz to that moment when the new person in your life greets you ever so sweetly, “Hi cutie pie!” And you, imagining yourself a rebel in the field of love, text back, “Well hi, sugar booger!”

And they, ever so unamusedly, do not write back for an hour and a half.

Epiphany! You realize they may not indeed be up to speed on Swoosie Kurtz’s star-making turn as Winona Ryder’s obnoxiously clueless Texan mother in the 90s classic Reality Bites (which the above is quoted from). So you desperately try to help them (and yourself) by coaching, “Name the movie, name the movie!”

And they, without skipping a beat, write back to say, “Well it’s pretty gross, so maybe Drop Dead Fred?”

Then they proceed to kindly tell you that “sugar booger” is not their first choice of a nickname, just FYI.

You can’t imagine why, but still, you eat a little crow and think, Well clearly I’m not as hilarious as I thought.. Maybe I’m just gross! But at the same time, you can’t help thinking: #troydyerwouldalaughed

You Are a Glorious Human Be*ing

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This is to let you know, in case you ever doubt it, that:

You are loved Loved LOVED
 right now!

— Always —

Moment to moment you are supported wholly

In everything you choose to do

All of CREATION is smiling on you, with you

In full embrace

Of your wishes, your triumphs, your foibles, your mis*steps, your sad achey bits,

Your secret dreams

Smiling on you (yes, YOU!)

No matter what.

The Universe, as Rob Brezsny says, is conspiring to shower you with blessings.

So go for it! Trust your intuition(s). Take a leap.

There’s no manual, no handbook, no “right way.”

Only you using your flexible and adaptable mind

Your brave and strong heart

Your limber body

~ FULLY ~

And in those movements, awkward and dorky and “imperfect” though they may sometimes be

Is the rhythmic pulse.

Of the Universe, of Creation, growing

In and out, up and down, dark and light, low and high

And we here, your peers,

Are also moving and growing according to those same rhythms

In this continuous

Cycle of cycles.

And even though you can’t see us sometimes, and we feel far away from each other

We’re cheering you on! YES! (+)

As you do us.

And we hear it:

Thank you.

You show it in so many small ways, and we need that

Because, you see, we feel lost and awkward and overwhelmed a lot too.

There is grace in this:

We’re all in the dance together.

So keep dancing my friend, cuz “I like the way you move…”

Dada YEAH!

Blessings!

 




 

Mama Moon

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This gallery contains 2 photos.

I walk and I stir and I dance all around and have this madness inside me that I try to keep quiet during the day. But at night, somehow I find the moon, and she settles me. She draws the disparate energies in, solidifying them. One stream. I can relax. Finally. Continue reading →